I want to tell you a story. One you may find familiar.
It’s a story of a girl who found herself in the desert, alone, and pregnant.
Now, I can’t say for certain that this girl had a maternal mental illness, because the text isn’t clear, but I would like to think that perhaps she did.
“Sarai, Abram’s wife, was not able to have children. She owned an Egyptians slave named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “The LORD has kept me from having children. Why don’t you sleep with my slave? Maybe I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed with Sarai. After Abram had lived in Canaan for ten years, Abram’s wife Sarai took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife. He slept with Hagar and she became pregnant.” – Genesis 16:1-4a (GWT).
Now here is where it gets interesting. “According to the custom of the day, Hagar would actually sit on the lap of Sarai as Abram inseminated her, to show that the child would legally belong to Sarai, as Hagar was merely a substitute for Sarai” (Guzik, D).
Does this sound a little bit like a popular Hulu show? Mind as well rename Hagar, Ofabram!
No wonder when we get to the second half of verse four, there is contempt between the two women!
Imagine. Hagar in the red dress with the white head covering, and Sarai in the blue. (Of course, we are just using our imagination here, but just go with it).
“When Hagar realized that she was pregnant, she began to be disrespectful to Sarai, her owner”. -Genesis 16:4b
I mean, can you blame her? The girl was a sex slave. This may not have been her original purpose. She was an Egyptian slave. She may have been working in the home cleaning toilets and baking biscuits for all we know. But the moment that Sarai and Abram had this discussion, a sex slave is what she became. She was viewed as an object, raped, and impregnated. Not only impregnated, but knew that she would have to give this baby up to Sarai in the end. So yeah, I’de imagine that she’d be a little disrespectful after that.
“So Sarai complained to Abram, “I’m being treated unfairly! And it’s your fault! I know that I gave my slave to you, but now that she’s pregnant, she’s being disrespectful to me. May the LORD decide who is right—you or me.” Abram answered Sarai, “Here she’s your slave. Do what you like with her.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar so much that she ran away.” – Genesis 16:5-6
Okay. So I really want you to get this. Put yourself in Hagar’s shoes. You grew up in Egypt. You somehow ended up in slavery, serving an older couple, who decided to move halfway across the known world–therefore you were ripped from your family and everything you knew.
One day you are cleaning the mirror in the bathroom, minding your own business and you overhear conversation between your master and mistress.
“The Lord has kept me from having children. Why don’t you sleep with my slave?”
Woah woah woah, what? What did she say?
“Maybe I can build a family through her”.
Crap.
You’ve heard stories of other slaves bearing children for their mistress, but surely you never thought that you would be next.
A couple of days go by and they ask you to go down to the river to bathe. When you return you are made to sit on your mistress’ lap and you are raped.
You miss your period. Your hormones are raging. Your emotional and you have PTSD. Your mistress asks you a question, and you snap at her.
From that moment forward, she treats you with contempt and hatred. It is too much for you to bear so you run. You run as fast as you can into an unknown land. And you find yourself in a desert.
“The Messenger of the LORD found her by a spring in the desert, the spring on the way to Shur.” – Genesis 16:7
Hagar, found herself in a desert. Again, it doesn’t say this directly, but I’de like to imagine that she had a tinge of PPD. I mean, all of the signs and risk factors are there. She has no support system. She has undesirable circumstances around the pregnancy. And she is being treated like crap!
So she runs away, and is sitting next to a spring of water. (She may be in the desert, but God was providing for her and looking out for her the whole time. ) I kind of picture this scene much more dramatically than it describes. I imagine that Hagar was sitting there, a few months pregnant, leaning on a rock, with tears pouring from her face.
“What am I going to do? I can’t go back. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do.”
Have you been there? During my time in the desert of PPD, I found myself sitting on the floor next to a spring (the toilet), behind a locked door, knees to my chest crying. I found myself running from my pain through self-harm. I found myself asking, “what am I going to do??” Feeling hated by the world.
BUT GOD. God had a message for Hagar than day, and He’s got one for you.
“You are pregnant, and you will give birth to a son. You will name him Ishmael [God hears], because the LORD has heard your cry of distress. “ – Genesis 16:11
GOD HEARS YOUR CRY OF DISTRESS.
God hears you in your desert of postpartum depression. God hears you crying in the closet. God hears the cries that you try to muffle by the sound of the shower. God sees you with that knife to your leg. He hears you asking for a reason to live. He hears you as you hold your baby and cry at 3 am. He hears you even when your husband doesn’t hear you crying yourself to sleep. He hears you.
“Hagar named the LORD who had been speaking to her, “You Are the God Who Watches Over Me.” – Genesis 16:13
He watches over you. You may be in the desert, but you can rest knowing that you are safe in the arms of the Father, who watches over you.
Guzik, D. http://300.mx.sermoncrafters.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=ge&chapter=016&verse=010
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